FAMOUS KNOTS OF HISTORY

Another instalment of small joys for the time we're having. I wrote this over the course of a month or so. At present every time I deadlift, every single Friday, there's a possibility I will hit a new personal best. On one recent Friday, I did

I ride a bike now. It is small, orange and powerful. It can go very fast (45km/hr). It comes with two bungy cords and I enjoy those a lot. Who doesn't love a bungy? I haven't once used the bell tho. I'm not

I have been sober for at least a month, maybe two, three actually now almost four. This post has taken a while. I really should have paid attention to the date on which I decided I was giving up alcohol. That feels like the traditional approach. I guess I'

We know what the world's like right now. You don't need me to tell you. But I think it's worth recording some of the small joys. If only to attempt to have a level of balance, even if it feels very low. Yesterday, I

I have made a discovery recently. The discovery is that it's about ten times more fun to be with someone you are really into than someone who is just into you. Now, you might be like, duh. Or something more gentle. I dunno. But hear me out. With

The posts I've been writing this year have been considering a lot of things in my life and how they've changed. Since the pandemic friendship has been one of those things. Increasingly, I have trouble separating the pandemic and the trauma therapy I received in 2021.

In January I deleted all dating apps from my phone. I've been non-monogamous most of my life but officially since 2008. I got on the apps in 2015 in an attempt to see if I could handle casual sex with strangers. At the time of quitting I

I started in my house with a 7kg bar because my partner thought I might like it. I laughed the first time I felt my abs engage. And so I kept going. Just five exercises: squats, rows, floor press, overhead press and deadlift. My partner hoisted the bar to my

This blog post mirrors my last one. It's coming from the other side though. With knowledge of the after. Five years later. Before I knew I had C-PTSD the world, and the humans in it, felt very jagged to me. Everything felt high stakes for reasons I

In four months I’ll be forty years of age. Four months. Four decades. Four letters in my name and in the word that won’t leave my head. I am afraid, have been afraid, continue to be afraid and may always feel fear. In the life I lead it

In 2002 I blogged with regularity. It was all classic 22 year old navel gazing with a side order of loneliness. I lived in rural Japan with a lot of snow and dial up internet. I fell in love with the idea of a poetic American man living in Poland.