Joys in a time of difficulty

We know what the world's like right now. You don't need me to tell you. But I think it's worth recording some of the small joys. If only to attempt to have a level of balance, even if it feels very low.

Yesterday, I dropped a forgotten item to my partner at Sketchbook Coffee in town. I walked in the back way, through the building lobby, past the row of little two-person tables. At one of these tables was a queer person, in a cap, with a little terrier called Ellie in their lap. I know her name because it was on her harness. Ellie immediately looked at me with longing, her little eyes growing huge, her nose tilting up toward me. I returned her look, nothing else to be done. But I was in the zone, pre deadlifts. I had to move on. I dropped the forgotten item off to my beloved and walked out, again past Ellie. I spoke to their person as I left saying Ellie was such a good dog. The sweet little pup, according to my partner, longingly watched me the entire way as I walked out of the building.

There is a car on my way to work and it is finished in a custom paint colour somewhere between baby pink and lilac. It's iridescent. Maybe dual chrome. It's a sporty Nissan two seater coupé. It has a spoiler. A 370Z. A 370Z NISMO, maybe, I can't quite tell. Its number plate is CLUM Z.

I ate a perfect blueberry an uncountable amount of times this summer.

I got my nails painted a very rich, blue-based red, no hint of orange. I received many compliments, mostly from young men, in the hour after they were done. I do not usually enjoy red except for very specific lipstick and occasional outfits. I am enjoying this red: Secret Santa.

On the final week of my end of year break I spent 40 minutes bobbing in the flat sea, in the harbour. No thoughts, only bobbing.

I went to see Chappell Roan at Laneway. I thought I would hate the entire thing. 30,000 people in Western Springs for ten hours. I bought a very sun-sensible, ridiculous but my style hat. I planned for sensory overload. I decided who else I would see before the day of the event. I wore my preferred style of eyeliner. I wore my uniform (huge Weekday tee, leggings, trainers, all black). I arrived in time to get in position for the first act I wanted to see, at 440pm. I only used the real bathrooms. I decided where to eat based on the speed of the lines. I ate some of the best fried chicken of my life. I enjoyed an iced matcha. I had a mostly delightful, mostly solo time listening to one of my favourite things ever: live music. It's just better than any recording. Chappell's voice is even better live. Her costume was inspired by moths! She played everything I wanted to hear! Lucy Dacus was very sweet and very good. Wet Leg and Wolf Alice really know how to put on a show and their lead singers also have cracking voices. A day full of many queers and many delights.

Everyday I walk past the very old pōhutukawa at the end of our street and I feel like my smart watch should give me a decibel warning as the cicada are so loud it almost feels painful. But, no.

I am learning to do handstands and for some of the seconds while doing them I have had the slightly floaty feeling where you know you're balancing. I still need an emotional support toe but it is very interesting and joyful to build new skills and to be upside down as someone who is almost 46 and has spent most of their life being the "right" way up. Turns out 13 years of strength training leads to, well, strength. Today, during handstands, I rotated between resting one foot against the wall and then switching to the next foot against the wall, going as fast as I could, then as slow as I could. There were moments where there were no toes on the wall.

I purchased a dahlia from someone shutting down their plant business. She is a pale white through to a lilac centre, which is essentially a lilac tip to each petal. She's exquisite and is by my front door so I may gaze upon her anytime I want. She lived through the huge storm and is now flowering even more than she was when I bought her. I have snipped one or two of her blooms and they are in a vase in our lounge for even more gazing upon. I am hopeful I can keep her alive through many seasons. I have subsequently purchased a second dahlia from the same seller. I read several articles on dahlia care. We'll find out.

I have become a little obsessed with making sauerkraut and pickled beetroot. Did you know that sauerkraut is extremely easy? I did not. Now I can just make it. And we have it in the fridge and it is immensely better than the bought stuff because it's naturally fermented and not with added vinegar as I suspect many of them have. I do pickle my own beetroot in vinegar but that's different. The only real consideration with sauerkraut is time but I have time to wait for the fermentation to take place.

I bought my father-in-law a used iMac to replace his 2009 one. I was struggling to keep going in the manner he was accustomed to. I set the new one up on our dining table just to get admin control, access befitting tech support manager etc. But now I have started writing on it. The screen is amazing. It's from 2019 and it doesn't know anything about LLMs. It just gives me a very crisp, large, white screen on which to write words. I think it is now mine. I will likely get him another. I don't have to deliver it until our next visit in April. So I'm giving myself time to decide. I'm typing this on it. Big screen so restful on the eyes.

Simon wrote a love song called The Only Two Beans in The Stew. "One of them beans is me and the other is you."

Our house is being repainted and the new colour is called Buttercup. The finished parts of the house almost feel matte because we went from high-gloss to semi-gloss. The last person to paint the house was the prior owner and suffice to say he was not a professional so the colour is richer and more vibrant simply from being consistently and professionally applied. We also had to clear the back deck to get it painted and now we have a clean back deck. Tending to our little house makes me feel very good. We've replaced four window hinges too. And fixed a broken lock. I do love little jobs and pottering around doing them even if the list only gets bigger.

I got the bus up to Te Herenga Waka to have coffee with a friend. The people watching was A+. When we reached the university the entire bus emptied. I felt very nostalgic for 1998, my first year of my English Literature degree at Canterbury University. The times. That's almost 30 years ago. Hold onto your hats.

I went with someone I'm dating to see "Wuthering Heights". We had a good time discussing the film. Then I scooted and she rode her e-bike along the Kent Terrace bike lane up to the basin. I then scooted home with the moon watching over me. How delightful. I think I'm going to get an e-bike.

I've been writing this for a week now. I'm reluctant to stop. But if I don't stop I can't publish.